The oldies

You’re a human stranded on an alien planet. The locals are sapient, but have a lifespan of only about six months. After dozens of generations (about a week), you’ve managed to make quite a name for yourself.

The locals on this planet aren’t very well-versed in the basics. They consume large amounts of tookguk, which is their version of candy, and most of the time, they are “suspending” – or sleeping. This is because they gain their energy from the inter-solar pollution of low space. Basically – they don’t need to move to live.

This leads them to live very sedentary lives, but who can really blame them? Their lives are short but sweet. Since you are an old-fashioned human, you are, to them, like an immortal deity. In reality, you are simply living the way you lived on Earth, the way you lived before that software bug sent you careening past Voyager and onto this purple planet.

For generations, these local aliens (actually, you are the alien to them) have been asking you how you have managed to live 251 of their years. They wonder how you maintain your primitive body & how you are resisting the tookguk that surrounds you. Was it your alien DNA? What about that strange craft that carried you here? Were you from The Other Side?

No, you have said. It wasn’t any of those silly theories. It was the training you received on Earth at David Fuller Karate. It gave you self-discipline & a lower resting heart rate. The locals beg you to show them the way to immortality (to them).

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